On Female Friends

Men and women are not friends. They never were and they never will be. That’s not to say that I don’t sometimes refer to certain members of the opposite sex as “friends,” but this is merely for convenience sake. Nor is it to say that there aren’t women with whom I am friendly. But it must be known that I would not, in closed session, refer to them as my “friend” except out of convenience. For every woman that I point to and call my “friend,” I’ll show you a woman who would date me at the drop of a hat. The reason for this is simple: the concepts of friendship and love are so diametrically opposed that they simply cannot coexist.

I hear this old bullshit line that friends make the best lovers. This is incorrect. Never once have I laid eyes on a beautiful woman and thought to myself “Gee, I’d really love to befriend her.” Not once. And therein lies the crux of it—for every male-female “friendship” there is almost always some manner of desire or attraction. This desire is always unrequited, however, because if the desire were returned in kind, it would cease to be a friendship, now wouldn’t it? I would be a love affair.

Let’s have a look at some examples: In one relationship the (relatively) low status man is desirous of the beautiful woman, but the woman is not desirous of the man. It is impossible in this case for the man to truly be a friend to the woman because he will always be blinded by his desire for her. The same is true when the (relatively) ugly woman is desirous of the high status man. She cannot contribute to a true friendship without subconsciously molding the relationship to get herself closer to him.

So are true opposite sex friendships possible? Theoretically yes, but in order for a true male-female friendship to occur, it would have to be a relationship entirely devoid of attraction or desire. This explains why so often one sees male-female friendships wherein the male is homosexual. In order for this friendship to be genuine, however, this gay man would have to be sufficiently low-status enough for the woman to find no desire for him. In these gay male-straight female friendships, it is often that case that the woman finds herself attracted to the man and may dramatically proffer the “oh, if you were only straight” qualification. Any measure of this sort of sexual/romantic desire at all will poison the relationship.

Mixing friendship and love is like mixing bourbon and scotch and calling it the best of both worlds. Traditional friendship i.e. male-male/female-female (heterosexual) friendship has no place in a loving romance. It wouldn’t serve anyone to have a drop of scotch in their bourbon; you merely waste the scotch and ruin the bourbon. On a meta-level, what I’m saying is not that unreasonable. Evolution has allowed for the most sexually fit humans that have ever walked the earth. We didn’t get that way by being friends.

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