How to: Be Awesome at Life

No doubt, dear reader, you will at some awe-inspired point of self-reflective reverie seek answers as to what makes the Albatross such an interesting and talented personality, and hope upon hope that he may reveal those things to you. Rejoice, for my messiah-like generosity will not forsake you, on this most hallowed eve: the eve of your rebirth. You will, after this blog post, have all the tools necessary to deftly navigate the world—your world. You will be able to marshal all your intellectual resources into a cogent plan for the future, and you will endeavor successfully to bring to bear upon all manner of hot chicks the full might of your essence in a most profound and kickass way. Indeed, your cup of knowledge shall runneth over. I do this for you, for I am a kind god.

The first thing you must do in order to be awesome is observe. You must observe the world around you and everything in it with hawk-eyed acuity. You must listen the words people use, the words they do not use, and the manner in which they use or do not use them. You must learn to instantly recognize and incise contradiction, parry prevarication, and duly squash logical fallacy. You must listen a great deal more than you speak.

Additionally, for however much you observe people’s words, you must pay tenfold more attention to people’s actions. According to the interweb, body language and nonverbals account for most of human communication. In fact, former FBI interrogators state matter-of-factly that it really isn’t hard to lie with words, but quite difficult to lie with your body (interestingly, it is often the feet that give away one’s true intentions.) So observe the unspoken communication that is so characteristic of human interaction.

Now, unless you have some preternatural cognitive ability to comprehend both man and machine, you will necessarily arrive at many questions to your as many observations. Thus, the other thing you must do in order to be awesome, is cultivate an insatiable curiosity. You must ask yourself why something is as many times as it takes to reach a point where understanding is complete. In other words, you must grok. If you do not understand how something works, you must take it as a personal affront to your intelligence. Imagine that one day you might find yourself in a post-apocalyptic oblivion wherein everything in your life is manifested directly by you and your knowledge base. Thus, the only things you would have in your life are those things that you understand well enough to build or manifest yourself. One way this can be accomplished is by reading. You must read incessantly. Develop your curiosity for all things and never stop learning.

So there you have it, two characteristics that used individually will serve you better than any other, and when used in conjunction will make you something of a minor deity: Observant & Curious. With this, you shall possess the most valuable skill in the world: the ability to learn any skill in the world, for it is from these headwaters that all of life’s truths inexorably flow, and the spring from which all your personal potential can be realized. In fewer words, this is the most efficient way to get awesome at life. You’re welcome.

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